Boola Boola, it's time for the Ad Bowl, our annual showcase of the best in TV advertising, (and champeenship football,) but first, a word from our sponsors.
As is my usual custom, in an attempt to act like a savvy homemaker, I spent my second cup of coffee this Sunday morning perusing the weekly coupon circulars where copywriting finds its highest calling. You may not be aware, but those friendly folk at the NFL make using the term "Super Bowl" (used here in a strictly journalistic, fair-use kind of way,) verboten for advertisers trying to glom on to the big game hype. So all you dips, wings, chips and, yes, hand cream brands, trot out the substitute language to warn consumers that the game won't be the same without...fill in the blank. What's worse, since Flappo Chips can't actually say, "Your Super Bowl Chip of Choice..." they default to euphemisms for the game then gild the lilly with bad sports puns. Just the nadir of advertising tradecraft, if you ask me.
So, in case you missed them, I happily present today's pig pile of bad ads:
1. Kickoff your party! (Wow. stunningly original.)
2. Catch a taste of the BIG GAME! (Oh, I get it... CATCH! Like the football!)
3. Mr. Peanut's Game Day Tip: Serve Planters nuts at your party. (I wonder who wrote this one? Extra points for two mentions of the name in one headline.)
4. Let SPIKES be the life of your GAMEDAY get-together. (Wow! great pun and the product name in headline. But what are Spikes? And aren't they called "Cleats?")
5. Pick up something sweet FOR THE BIG GAME! (Like your girlfriend, Chantal?)
6. Make sure the spread is covered. (What does this have to do with Tyson Chicken Digits?)
7. Go with your two proven starters for the BIG GAME! (pub and port wine cheese. "Proven starters." Do tell.)
8. Snapple® brings your crowd to its feet! (Really? Bottled tea?)
9. Hog the Remote, Not the Bag. (Okay, but if the chips are that good wouldn't I want to hog the bag?)
10. 8 Hour Pregame 8 Second Postgame (Need the visual, but a pretty good crock pot liner benefit statement.)
11. Kickoff your football party with a fun, homemade pizza! (Yeah, boy. Can you say delivery?)
12. Shake it up on Game Day! With Guy Fieri! (Who's juggling three boxes of boring crackers. Hmm.)
13. Score Big Savings with this Game Day menu! (When Unilever brand managers write copy, this is what you get.)
14. Lipton, Super Tea for a Super Party (If you say so.)
15. It's time for real, delicious food for the big game! (Hard to argue with this, but how tortured. Hellman's I thought better of you.)
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